Many families are struggling because parents often have to work longer hours for fear of losing their jobs.  In a tough economic climate where companies are restructuring, downsizing and striving to remain competitive, it can be the family that is losing out. Psychologist, Glenn Williams, founder and CEO of Pro-Fam Australia, gives a personal and poignant insight into how the work-place can impact on family life.

Research shows that workplace stress is costing taxpayers millions of dollars each year.  For businesses, stress leads to costs in absenteeism, staff turnover, loss of productivity and ultimately smaller profits.  However, no longer can businesses expect a “leave your personal life at home” attitude which ignores the impact of work on family life and vice versa.

Obviously, businesses are not solely to blame, with many of us striving to obtain financial security and affirmation from others for our achievements. 

You might identify with the following story?

It was Saturday night and I arrived home late in the evening after having to spend the day at work.  My wife was in bed, as were the children.  I went into my daughter’s bedroom to kiss her goodnight, when I saw a note lying on the floor.  I picked it up and began to read it in the dim light.

“Dear Dad, it seems like ages since we talked. The other day I woke up late and ran to your bedroom to tell you I loved you, but you had already left for work.  I was really disappointed but Mum gave me a big hug and offered to take me to school.  She told me that I could tell you tonight when you got home. 

I didn’t have a good day at school.  Tracey has a new friend today, so she didn’t want to have lunch with me.  Jackie was away sick, so I didn’t have a friend to sit next to in class.  I was really disappointed, but the teacher sat down next to me and told me how good my work was.

Finally, it was home-time.  I was really looking forward to you coming home from work, and I even made a special card for you.  I put lots of hugs and kisses inside, and put it on the kitchen table.

When I picked up the telephone I was excited to hear your voice.  But you didn’t have time to talk to me, and asked to speak to mum.  Mum came back to the kitchen where I was helping her get dinner ready, and told me that you were going to be late.  I was really disappointed, but Mum said you would wake me up when you came home.  I left the card on the table so you could see it when you got home.

When I woke up this morning, you had already left. I was very sad.  When I went into the kitchen for breakfast I saw that you had not opened the card I made for you.  When Mum saw me, I was really disappointed.  I wiped away my tears.  I didn’t know why you had to go to work today, as it was Saturday, and you promised to take me shopping.

Mum told me that work was very busy, and that it was important for you to go to work so that you could get enough money for us to be happy.  I was really disappointed, but mum gave me a hug and told me that you loved me.  I did know that.  But I wanted to hear it from you.  I love you Dad!  I just wish you were home with us more.  I wish it could be like it used to – when we were all a family together.

Love, Emma”

Have you found it getting easier to justify your absence from home because you have convinced yourself that financial security can be obtained by working longer hours?  Do you rationalise your time away from your children by claiming that the time you do spend with them is ‘quality’ time?

One of the major cultural values is the respect for people who have achieved great success at work.  Some of these people deserve our respect and accolades.  But sadly, there are others who in the process of becoming successful at work have sacrificed their own families.  We should be aiming to see people win at home as well as at work!

Sure, we may have started off with the right intentions, but maybe we have to admit that we’ve lost the balance.

Glenn Williams is a psychologist, and the Founder and CEO of Pro-Fam Australia, a non-profit organisation committed to helping companies integrate values for home and the workplace.

• This week take some time to sit down with your spouse and re-evaluate your priorities and values in the light of what your family needs most – YOU!
• Plan what you believe is an ‘ideal’ and balanced day and make sure you have that every month.  Then try it every two weeks and finally every week.  Being in alignment with what matters most in your life will lead to a more integrated and satisfying life.
• Think of life as a pentathlon where you need to be successful in your family, spiritual, health and recreation, financial, and social life as well as in your work.
• Have a date with your wife or special someone every week.
• Have a date with each of your children every week and do something special that they like.
• Make having breakfast and dinner with your family a priority.
• Catch a movie or do something special with your family every week.