Over the past weeks I have been work-shopping with people on the way we think – a sort of “check up from the neck up.” One of the concepts we explored was the very old psychological truth about ‘we can’t control the stimuli that come our way in life but we can control our response.’
The On-Purpose Secret for Success for 2 - How to improve the quality of your life.
We know that 10% of the quality of our life is based on what happens to us (Stimulus) and 90% on how we respond to what happens to us (Our Response).
Isn't it strange that we find it so difficult to put into action what we know to be true?
Over the past weeks I have been work-shopping with people on the way we think – a sort of "check up from the neck up." One of the concepts we explored was the very old psychological truth about 'we can't control the stimuli that come our way in life but we can control our response.'
Unlike other animals, humans have space between Stimulus and Response, and as we saw in my previous "Secret of Success" this is where the great choice of life is made – We respond proactively out of love or reactively out of fear. That means nothing or no one can make us happy or unhappy (unless we give them permission) - a mind boggling concept we all struggle with daily.I have put together this very simplistic model from a variety of sources which goes part way to explain this.
© Edward Gifford 2004
Although we make many decisions each day (at the level of the mind), the choice for which we are ultimately responsible is always the same – are we acting (responding) out of love or (reacting) out of fear? This takes place at the level of the Spirit. Maybe that is why so many of us struggle to put this principle into action on a daily basis.
So next time someone or something comes your way (the Stimulus) choose your response from the paradigm of love. This will ensure you stay on-purpose! To help you respond positively remember the word STAY.If you succeed, the change to your personal and professional life will be profound. Let me know how you go! There are much more sophisticated conversations to have around this.
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S |
Stop! |
After the stimulus |
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T |
Think! |
Space between stimulus and response.What are possible options? |
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A |
Act! |
What I decide to do |
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Y |
Yes! |
Victor, not victim – On-Purpose not Off-Purpose |
If you have stayed with me this far, you know I always include some great examples to illustrate my On-Purpose Secret for Success. Here are two to ponder as you endeavour to proactively take responsibility and ownership for your feelings, attitudes and behaviours.
In the first story, the Stimulus is "Work" Look how three people respond so differently to the same job.
Story: The Three Building Labourers
Three men were once working on a building site. A visitor approached the first and asked what he was working on. "Can't you see for yourself?" the worker retorted. "I'm struggling away in this horrible heat, cutting out these stone blocks and hating every moment of it."
When the second worker was asked what he was doing, he responded, "Well, I'm shaping these stone blocks so that they can be used according to the building plans. It's boring work, but at least I'm getting paid well for it."
When the visitor asked the third worker what he was doing, he raised his arms to the sky, and passionately exclaimed: "Look all around you. I'm building a cathedral!"
The Second is a poem by my good friend and mentor Dr Phil Harker.
Whadayamadat!
When you're angry at your children, or your husband or your wife
When you act as if they're guilty, and you get them into strife
Remember that they never chose their birth, 'twas merely chance
Like you, their drive is love or fear, all else is circumstance
So, it's the motive that you're judging, they don't choose the things they do
And the motive that you're mad at is the same one driving you!
(© Dr Phil Harker)